Posted: 2017-10-12 17:29
heres what you don''t understand. you and other women have the luxury to sit there and say "EVERY person who wrote to me" men are putting in ALL the same effort and then the added effort of being the one who has to scroll through profiles for hours and send the messages. worry if they are saying the right or wrong thing. meanwhile you can sit there and judge all the men and all the messages you are receiving. the hostility comes from the blissful ignorance that women have about this. it comes off as something like going to the sudan and telling the starving people living there why you don''t like tacos or that if a waiter brings you a steak medium rare you send it back. try to wrap your head around that.
Keep your conversation casual and simple. If English is her second language, avoid using colloquial phrases that may be unknown to her and may embarrass her. Ask her about her interests and goals to let her know that you re really interested in her personality.
I''ve tried POF and am currently using OkCupid. I''ve gotten to speak with a few women, but only have met one outside of the digital world and we found that we didn''t really connect. Which is my main problem thus far with the sites lack of connection. I can think of plenty of reasons why women wouldn''t respond to me, but for those who do, we just can''t seem to connect. Eventually, we seem to run out of things to chat about, and the conversations die off.
It seems that men are only interested in hot 68 year old college girls, no matter what his age is. If you are established and have tons of money then maybe you will attract one, but that will be all you are to her. Same as these girls who want really hot guys. They want to look GOOD. They don''t care about how nice you are or your interests etc. They care about making other girls jealous. They want the best. The man is like a fashion accessory to her.
It seems like there is a lot of negativity but online dating is much better. I meet far many more men from completely different backgrounds and industries than I would if I stuck to randomly meeting people by luck. A lot of it has to do with your ability to handle rejection. Performers may audition for 68 jobs before they get a job. It''s not personal especially in the first "online" message round. You just have to believe in yourself and stick with it. It''s not easy for men or women but it is possible.
What about the rampant lying about age, income, height and other things simply get into more peoples searches or attract more responses because people are shallow. I''ve read that some women won''t even bother with a man whose income is not high enough. LOL! So men lie about it try and get a shot and then it of course tanks. Or women lie about their age because they "feel and want to fall into a wider search. And then the man finds out.
There is no feminism in Russia or Ukraine. Yes, contemporary Slavic women want to have equal rights but they don t go out of their way to prove that they are just like men, in the way Western girls often do. They don t want to refuse smart clothes and cosmetics they believe that a woman should look womanly. Russian girls still have traditional views on how a man should behave: in terms of dating culture, they want their men to be real gentlemen with them. Every Russian girl likes when a man holds the door and lets her go first, when he helps her remove her coat, when he stands up when sees her approaching him, and when he brings flowers on a date and pays for dinner.
Lastly for some people even if you get prospective buyers to look beyond your pictures, and look at your profile or message you, you may just not be a good writer and that can SUUUUCCCKKK in on-line dating. SO my advice is get some help writing your profile and somewhere in the profile or in your messages say something along the lines of, "I''ve never been good are writing what I want to say I much better person to person". And get to the date as soon as possible. NEVER write, "I don''t know what to say/put here." Never.
I dated a Liberal woman and no conflicts arose from our political differences. I find it troubling you wouldn''t even want to be friends with someone who would vote for Trump, or even someone who wouldn''t be friends with another who voted for Hillary. You sound grossly intolerant of other people''s views. You should be open to people with differing views than your own, otherwise you will fall into engaging in groupthink and confirmation bias. In other words, you will not learn much in this world seeking out people who will just agree and affirm your opinions on life. You grow by seeking those out who can show you a different perspective. In my experience, I''ve found people like you frustrating to say the least.
I have to mention that I did get maybe a message or two from guys that seemed okay, but once I checked out their profiles, it didn&rsquo t seem like we had anything in common so I didn&rsquo t bother. That&rsquo s one of the issues I see with online dating though. Words on a page can only tell you so much and often, they are not the best &ldquo first impressions&rdquo . Personally, I think there is so much more to be gained from talking with someone face to face &ndash you are able to read their body language and listen to intonation in their voice, which are much better indicators than online messages or profiles.
If you asked the OKCupid people about this, they would say that all of this is fine and normal on both sides of the coin. Users can filter their contacts to a tremendous degree using tools on the site and in fact they are encouraged to do just that, and people who don''t get interaction are essentially told to lower their standards. In the end there are just some things that having a massive pile of quantitative data can''t fix.
My contention is that inequality and competition are the precursors of societies ills. Men mistreating women certainly but more to the point people mistreating each other for gain. It seems odd to think that men seeking a partner would act as many so often do but it is important to remember we''re not dealing with intellectually compassionate equals. We''re dealing with generations of people that have been bred to compete with one another and ultimately not see each other as equals but as enemies of a sort. We''re not killing each other (for the most part at least within our own society) but we are competing for limited resources to our own detriment.
Thank you for sharing your insight and reasoning behind your disinterest in online dating. In regards to myself I have done a lot of work to understand the world in my own fashion as opposed to what I was taught. My dating profile is quite lengthy and is intended to share who I am as a human being in hopes of finding someone that has done similar work. What I have shared of myself also has the benefit of eliminating a lot of potential conflicts that typically arise in conversations with people as part of the process of getting to know one another.
You are not the top 65% of women. You''ve deluded yourself into getting it the opposite way around. The truth is that 95% of men target 95% of women - that''s why a 69 year old, who should be way out of your league as a woman way past her prime , will still contact you and not just focus on the more attractive girls his own age. Meanwhile, 95% of women really do target only 65% of men. You are looking for nothing but hot, single men in their thirties, and so is every other woman on the website. Goes to show what primadonnas women on dating sites are when you can get it all this wrong.
So we are left with a very complicated answer to what seems like a reasonably simple question. Unfortunately we are dealing with complex systems based upon an unequal distribution of wealth, power and knowledge. My explanation is quite limited in its scope but explains the answer as I see it. Unfortunately the answer I''ve given also infers similar issues with offline dating as ultimately this has little to do with the internet and more to do with society.
The fact is most women don''t look at online dating like a bar scene, at least not at first. They somehow think the site is brimming with their fantasy guy who is just waiting for them. Or that they can weed out all the bad apples and find Mr Right. They get a little disappointed when reality hits. Much like how so many men think online sites have hundreds of beautiful women just waiting for men to save them from lonliness.
Sorry but nope. The pretty girls on the site usually made the account for kicks and don''t really care about your message because they could easily walk out their door and have someone hit on them.
As a guy who''s more successful in online dating than most men I just wanted to share my experience. I know, I''m technically adding to the very problem I''m complaining about by dating and sleeping with women I''m not attracted to. But, can you blame me if that''s usually all I can get online? Meet us halfway, you might find a guy who is amazing and will treat you with love and respect. There is a clear divide in what men and women can attain in terms of physical attractiveness online.
Chris - which ones have you tried? I had a friend who had terrible luck as well. He tried E-harmony and was successful. I think it comes down to whether or not the "floodgates" are open to all women on the site. E-harmony actually only gives you access to people who are matches, which also means women aren''t constantly flooded with messages from every Tom Dick and Harry. This gives you better odds of actually having a conversation before she gets distracted and moves on.
The first thing to pay attention to: your photos. According to online dating experts, 8 photos are a must for each person s profile. The first one should be your portrait picture so that other users can clearly see your face even on small screens of their devices. The second one should be a full body picture so that people can see your figure, and the third one should feature you engaged in something you love. People want to see your eyes, so don t upload photos where you are wearing sunglasses.
I did the singles scene in all its iterations (singles bars, singles dances, dating services, etc.) starting in the late 65s and through the 75s. One common thread was that, for the most part, the singles scene attracted people you would not want to bring home to mother and I think that is still the case. Guys were creeps who wore their shirts open down to the nevel and the gils were princeses who figured their s**t didn''t stink. Most of the time they wound up going home together and they deserved each other. Nice guys and gils next door never stood a chance in the meat market atmosphere.