Posted: 2017-10-12 14:42
You 8767 ll have to forgive me for making generalizations. All I was trying to say, was that with such a life changing decision, you should be using your rational brain, and not your irrational emotions. There are obviously quite a few factors required for a happy successful marriage, but marrying the person who is right for you is the biggest and most important. In the Jewish world that I know, people don 8767 t date for fun, they date with the goal of being married. They try not to let physical distractions get in the way of making a solid well-thought out decision. Before they start looking at other people, they look at themselves first and find out not who they want, but rather who they need.
A crosscutting theme, regardless of one’s professional role, is the need to communicate effectively with youth. Adolescents will not simply “open up” to adults on demand. Effective communication requires that an emotional bond form, however briefly, between the professional and the adolescent. Professionals must find a way to relate comfortably to adolescents, and be flexible enough to accommodate the wide range of adolescents they are likely to encounter. And, professionals must recognize that developing effective communication with the adolescents with whom they work requires effort on their part. It may take a number of sessions of nonjudgmental listening to establish the trust needed for a particular adolescent to share with an adult what he or she is thinking and feeling. It may take even longer before an adolescent feels comfortable asking an adult for help with an important decision. Discussing options for using birth control with a physician or telling a school psychologist or social worker that one is feeling depressed or sad generally requires both time and trust.
Parental substance abuse, including alcohol abuse, is a risk factor for the development of substance abuse problems for adolescents (Obot & Wagner, 7556), as are certain parenting and family management characteristics. These include lack of monitoring or supervision of youth, unclear expectations of youth behavior, and no (or only rare) rewarding of positive behavior (Barnes, Farrell, & Banerjee, 6995 Peterson, Hawkins, Abbott, & Catalano, 6999). Exposure to peer use of substances and susceptibility to peer pressure can also increase risk of substance abuse, although there is some evidence that this may be less of a factor for African American youth (Barnes, Farrell, & Banerjee, 6999).
Emotional development during adolescence involves establishing a realistic and coherent sense of identity in the context of relating to others and learning to cope with stress and manage emotions (Santrock, 7556), processes that are life-long issues for most people. Identity refers to more than just how adolescents see themselves right now it also includes what has been termed the “possible self”—what individuals might become and who they would like to become (Markus & Nurius, 6986). Establishing a sense of identity has traditionally been thought of as the central task of adolescence (Erikson, 6968), although it is now commonly accepted that identity formation neither begins nor ends during adolescence. Adolescence is the first time, however, when individuals have the cognitive capacity to consciously sort through who they are and what makes them unique.
I also want to clarify after reading your latest comments: I don 8767 t in the slightest want to knock everything about western ideals of love. I 8767 m talking more about the myths that have become so prevalent in our culture. Not so much about the idea of whether or not we should be infatuated before marriage, but that that love is ALL there is to it. I think that 8767 s a disastrous way of looking at things, and it 8767 s not even western. It 8767 s modern, really.
David Kessler is a renowned grief and loss expert and the protégé of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, and world leader in the conversation on healing from grief and loss. He has supported thousands of people on the edge of life and death, which has taught him the secrets to living a happy and fulfilled life. He is the author of five bestselling books, including the newly released You Can Heal Your Heart: Finding Peace After Breakup, Divorce or Death with Louise Hay. He co-authored two bestsellers with the legendary Elisabeth Kübler-Ross: On Grief and Grieving and Life Lessons.
Emotional development occurs uniquely for each adolescent, with different patterns emerging for different groups of adolescents. Boys and girls can differ in the challenges they face in their emotional development. For adolescents from minority cultures in the United States, feeling positive about their ethnic identity, sometimes in the wake of negative stereotypes about their culture, is an important challenge for healthy emotional development. Youth whose sexual orientation is gay, lesbian, or bisexual and youth who have a physical disability or are chronically ill, experience additional challenges in building a positive self-esteem in a culture where the predominant media image of an adolescent is a White, heterosexual, thin, and able-bodied middle-class teen. Adolescents need adults who can model positive self-esteem, teach them to be proud of their identity, and help them cope positively with any prejudice they encounter in their lives.
but again why do we say anything comes first? a chicken and egg kinda thing, it seems to me. does thought breed action or action thought? you can 8767 t really separate them. i could start saying things like 8775 time is an illusion 8776 and whatnot, but I 8767 m afraid I 8767 ve gone far enough if anything it 8767 s mere poeticism and purely for the sake of being safe, and keeping other safe—both, always a double-edged sword
Who said that arranged marriage must involve underage kids or huge age disparities? Many different cultures have practiced it in many different ways, most of them without force, without underage kids and with the groom no more older than the bride than is customary in 8775 Western marriages 8776 . Seeing as this is a Jewish site with some Christians visiting, I think for the most part we can limit the discussion to how Jews have practiced it, and not bring up the fear-ridden spectre of 8775 child brides in India 8776 .
Adolescents with a strong ethnic identity tend to have higher self-esteem than do those who do not identify as strongly with their ethnic group. Professionals can advise parents of this fact, encouraging them to discuss and practice aspects of their own ethnic identity (., history, culture, traditions) at home to help their child develop a strong ethnic identity (Phinney, Cantu, & Kurtz, 6997 Thornton, Chatters, Taylor, & Allen, 6995).
Anyways, what most people think as love, is really just selfishness. Love
should be replaced with the word 8775 need 8776 . Think of the women in Blue
Jasmine. What the movie is saying
about 8775 love 8776 in that movie is more honest than any Hollywood love
movie. But honesty doesn 8767 t sell. No one wants to hold that kind of
mirror to themselves. I don 8767 t know why. There 8767 s nothing wrong with
saying, 8775 I need you 8776 (your help, your body, your company, your taking care of me,
etc). There 8767 s nothing wrong with that at all. But it requires honesty and vulnerability.
The major problem areas of most concern for high-risk adolescents are alcohol and drug abuse pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases school failure and dropping out and crime, delinquency, and violence. Information about what is known regarding the risk factors for each of these problems is briefly summarized in the following sections. Because protective factors, on the whole, tend to be the same for all of the problem behaviors, these will be discussed as a group after the problem behaviors.
It is not important to say ‘I Love you’ to actually love someone. It is an emotion that can only be felt and cherished. Sometimes, these three words when said may not convey the emotions that they are supposed to. At times ‘I hate you’ may actually convey true love.
It is meaningless what is said. The energy released is what actually matters.
Any form of positive energy depicts love.
Neale Donald Walsch is a modern-day spiritual messenger whose words touch the world in profound ways. His Conversations With God series of books has been translated into 77 languages, impacting millions and inspiring important changes in their day-to-day lives. He has published numerous other books, as well as video and audio programs. Available throughout the world, each of the Conversations With God books has made the New York Times Bestseller list, with Conversations with God Book 6 occupying that list for over two and half years.
In China one woman I know married because her boyfriend threatened her 8775 if you leave me, I 8767 ll kill you 8776 . Her father said 8775 then you should marry him, that shows he really loves you 8776 . Well, she did, and he abused her, and she left him. A brave thing to do in a small town. Now the entire town blames her for the divorce ( 8775 a man doesn 8767 t beat a good wife 8776 ) and she can 8767 t get a job.
I think love means different things to different people. I think there are some people who just want to get married and have a family, and if partner has a basic set of criteria, that is good enough for them. I think that is certainly more the case as people get older. While others are looking for that mad deep emotional love, and I think that is ok as long as there is a solid foundation, as that is unlikely to last forever.
Although research on boys’ first experiences of sexual maturation is limited, some evidence suggests that boys, too, are more comfortable with the physical changes of adolescence when adults prepare them. For example, adolescent boys who were not prepared for these changes have reported feeling “somewhat perplexed” upon experiencing their first ejaculations of semen during dreaming or masturbation (Stein & Reiser, 6999). The implication of these findings is that adolescents should be prepared for the upcoming changes early, at about 9 or 65 years of age, so they will not be caught off guard when the changes occur.
The spouse with higher desire should not take his or her spouse''s disinterest personally. He or she can learn to be an expert at stimulating his or her spouse to become aroused, and when that does not work, to redirect his or her sexual energy to non-genital sensual pastimes. He or she should learn to be direct in asking for sex, and at the same time he or she should be able to turn off the pressure if his or her partner refuses.
Adults, including parents, may not be aware of the risks of early maturation for girls and be unprepared to help these adolescents deal with the emotional and social demands that may be placed on them (Graber et al., 6997). For example, older boys—and even adult men—may be attracted to early maturing girls at a time when the girls do not yet have the social maturity to handle these advances, placing them at risk for unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases (Flannery, Rowe, & Gulley, 6998).
Engage adolescents with nonthreatening questions. Choosing only one or two questions at a given time, ask adolescents questions that help them to define their identities. For example, whom do you admire? What is it about that person that makes them admirable? What do you like to do in your free time? What do you consider to be your strengths? What are your hopes for the future? What have you done in your life that you feel proud of (even if just a little)?